Crying At Weddings: Why?

In Randomness, Silly Posts on May 31, 2008 at 12:45 am

It’s been a while since my last girlie ponders post, but I really can’t stop myself from wondering about this phenomenon.  It’s right there on every chick-flick, it seems like it’s the IT thing to do circa Julia Roberts’ My Best Friend’s Wedding, and it’s nowhere near stopping.

Dear readers, I would just like to address one question to all of you:

“Do you cry at weddings because you really feel emotionally attached to the couple’s arrival at the peak of their relationship by the tying of the knot, or do you just do it like the start of every junkie’s addiction:

…because all the cool kids are doing it?

It is understandable to cry at the weddings of those who are near and dear to you because the probable cause of your crying could just be:

1.  Aaww… it’s just so touching to see those two, after years of ons and offs, finally get together and make a real commitment.
2.  He’s a playa and you feel so sorry for her -your best friend, but she’s so in love with him that you decided to keep your mouth shut in order to support her.
3.  He’s somebody you used to sleep with, and you feel sorry for yourself because he chose her -your best friend, instead of you, and now that you’re no longer friends, people stare at you as you stand there in your blue dress in an all-white-wedding, which you aren’t really invited to.  So that’s double self-pity with icing and cherry on top.
4.  Either the bride or the groom is your lover, and you know that they are only doing this for their parents.

I listed more than ten things in my mind, but I’m already late for work, so this would do for now.  Anyway, my point is: getting all choked up in a wedding of somebody you actually know is far more forgivable than crying at the weddings of strangers.

My girl friends cry at strangers’ weddings.  They cry when Trista Rehn got married to that firefighter dude.  Wtf?  They just went: “It’s cute isn’t it, she chose Ryan and they are so right for each other.  Aaawww…”  It was back in 2003, and I was cynical in all things mushy.

I thought they were being silly for crying over some stranger’s TV-provoked happiness.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not a robot who can’t express any emotions.  I cry at movies.  I well up every time Amazing Race Asia or American Idol ends their seasons.  But I only went that way because it just sucks to wait another six months for a new season to start.  I do cry at weddings of my nearest and dearest, thank God only for reason #1.

But strange things happened in 2006.  I went to a wedding with my Dad, I don’t know squat why we were attending the wedding anyway, but as I set my eyes on the bride and groom who are unknown to me (and maybe my Dad too, but he didn’t say anything)…

…I started to well up.

First thing that went into my mind was: “Okay, this isn’t wedding-envy.  Seriously.  This isn’t.”

And I talked to several of my (single) friends that day and was surprised that they too, are experiencing the same thing I did.

“It’s weird how easy I well up at a strangers’ wedding,” I said.
“Me too.”
“Do you think it’s wedding-envy?”
“Or could it be just PMS?”
“Is it time for your PMS?”
“Then maybe it is.”
“You guys aren’t really helping, you know.”
“We know.  Maybe it’s wedding envy AND PMS to make things worse.”
“But I’m not envious”
“You would like to be not envious.  But you are.”
“Why would I be?”
“Because all of us want to get married eventually, that’s why.  And that bitch gets it first, and she gets to sneer at us, the aging cheerleaders sitting in the sidelines”

Right.  I wouldn’t put it that way myself, but you can never expect somebody who just got her heart broken talk about weddings in a proper manner.  Anyway,  I’m still very confident it isn’t, but maybe it was wedding-envy.  But again, maybe it was just a prolonged PMS.  Who am I to say?  I’m only 29 and in modern countries like (not) Indonesia, life hasn’t even begun.  My final question would be:

Does crying at weddings have anything to do with wedding-envy?

Because if it does, I have seen a lot of grandmas crying at weddings.  Trust me, if it has anything to do with wedding-envy…

…it’s a really disturbing thought.

  1. Well I never cried at weddings and I never thought about that either since I am busy diggin’ the food

  2. I think it’s more about the wedding, rather than about the groom and bride. Nice weddings (vaguely defined) spur jealousy (as in “I wish my wedding was this glamorous”), while poorly-executed (excuse my corporate-influenced word choice) weddings burn empathy (as in “the bride deserves better wedding than this”). Either way, it results crying at weddings.

    This is true for both newly- and oldly-weds (?). You see, I’m speculating here, but I hope this justifies those crying grandmas… 😀

  3. i’m sorry bebe, i’m in that team. i cry at weddings, even when i don’t know the bride or the groom. sometimes because the wedding is just sooo beautiful, sometimes because i’m thinking how happy i am gonna be when i’m finally getting married, sometimes i see the parents cry because they’re so happy… that could trig my tears to stream down, too. Weddings are just beautiful, baby… and i bet ours will be the most beautiful one. Don’t freak out if i cry then, ok 🙂
    (ok i need to stop, my eyes are watery… even writing about it makes me cry)

  4. i only cried once.
    it was my neighbor’s wedding and i had such a huge high school crush on him.
    the other strangers wedding…
    gotta admit i was just to busy with the free flow wine
    or cold dessert.
    (hmm.. thinking about hotel mulia’s wedding makes me hungry xD )

  5. crying at weddings are only for wussies (and yes, i’m one of them, lol)

  6. mikearmand: …and i’m usually too busy scanning the room for fashion faux-pas! 😀

    bleu: HAHAHAAH! you did them justice, for sure. yeah. valid points there, dude.

    bebe: aawww… it’s ok, i do cry too nowadays. and yes, i will wear waterproof make-up in ours. 😀

    stella: the dharmawangsa’s cold cuts are usually great too. and yes, they keep me from crying. 😀

  7. dinysays: and i am turning into a wuss too. 😀 😀

  8. I didn’t cry on my own wedding… so am I not a wuss or am I a robot?

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