miund

This Movie Suck Ass.

In Entertainment, Eyesore, Reviews, Sarcasm, Ultimate Sarcasm on October 18, 2007 at 3:21 pm

This confirms my hatred towards the wanting-to-be-sophisticated-but-fails “festival” movie.  I’m not much of a film festival goer, because the experience was almost always traumatizing.  The only times I was actually entertained in a movie festival was when I went to see Amelie and The Royal Tannenbaums.  The latter is probably because I have an undying love of Ben Stiller’s comedy aside from Rob Schneider’s and Adam Sandler’s.  To me, movies are supposed to be entertaining and not depressing.

Well I’m a Hollywood comedy freak so I know there will be a lot of people who are going to really disagree with me, maybe even say that I’m just plain shallow.  Ah who cares, I’m still gonna trash this movie anyway.  And yes, with bloody spoilers, of course.

Friends With Money is a drama by Nicole Holofcener that features some of the best actresses in Hollywood:  Catherine Keener, Joan Cusack, Frances McDormand and yes, a former Friend herself, Jennifer Aniston.  Truthfully I bought the DVD because of ol’ Jen’s name on it.  After seeing some disappointment in her role as The Good Girl and several gloomy movie afterwards, I braved myself to at least take a peek on what role she’s playing this time.  I was entertained by her “Polly” and when she believed “The Rumor”, and I was actually hoping she’d be as entertaining.

The movie started with a dinner scene.  Four women, three men all in their thirties.  Apparenty it was a birthday dinner.  I could feel the strangely vicious aura of the conversation as one of the couples begins to fight over the significance of Spongebob.

The three women were wealthy except for Jen Aniston.  She works as a maid.  Why a maid?  Because she was a teacher in a snotty school, but couldn’t stand the social pressure because her students give her quarters so she can buy lunch.  Now who wouldn’t feel sorry for a girl with bad taste in clothing who drives a beat-up Honda, and spends her salary on weed?  I think she should be thankful that people actually give her money so she can buy expensive face creams -which she happens to use, yes insert much needed LOGIC here- instead of asking for free samples from different department stores.  Come on, when you’re rich, enjoy it.  When you’re poor, deal with it.  Weird?  You ain’t seen nothing yet.

Another woman played by Catherine Keener is married to a guy and has one kid.  She and her husband have the most awful relationship.  Why? Because they are both screenwriters, rich as hell and she is obviously too self-centered to even consider her neighbors’ feeling when she blocks the view of her neighborhood by building a second story to her already great house… just so she can have the ocean’s view to her bedroom.  If I were her husband, I’d hate this bitch too.  She feels hurt when her husband didn’t ask anything when she knocks her finger -or whatever- in the kitchen, and she threw a tantrum that leads into a separation.  I almost feel sorry for the character here but I suddenly realize that she’s just an attention-seeking bitch.

Married to an obviously gay man, the character played by Frances McDormand is said to be a “fashion designer”.  Heck, I know this character is depressed, but a fashion designer have never looked more terrible than the one portrayed in this movie.  Yes her husband holds such ambiguity and yes, she should join an anger management class.  But what’s so wrong in confronting the husband’s sexuality head-on?  Oh, I guess that would make the plot so boring and the story so short for this character.  And so she chooses NOT to wash her hair… until further notice.  Eugh.  And when she threw a joke about somebody’s kid whose name is Tal, sister, it’s NOT funny at all.  I’d punch her if I were the mom.

Last one is the character played by Joan Cusack.  In spite of the horrible out-of-this-world characterization, I ironically find this character as the most realistic one of the bunch.  Yes there are people who spends 2 million dollars on a charity just because they have the money, and yes these people if they are women are usually married to some snotty guy who splurges on everything.  And they are usually too rich to realize this so they just love every minute of being married to a leech.  Now… where’s the conflict?  You got it: none.  So in the sane mind of every screen writer, she should be portrayed as the character that glues every lunatic around her.  But no siree, she stands alone, parading her two-million dollars charity in front of her loser friend who works as a maid.  And to almost add insult, she consults her husband on whether she should hire her friend as their maid.

I sat on the carpet last night, staring on my laptop screen as I watched this movie… and I wanted to throw rotten eggs on it.  It’s a shame that I’m not as rich as Joan Cusack’s character, that I have to rethink of doing that because a laptop doesn’t come cheap.

This morning I got up and googled Friends With Money… and they got such nice and insightful reviews… even on Rotten Tomatoes.  Well there are some critics who weren’t too crazy about this flick either, but then WHY THE GOOD ONES?  My God, have people gone blind or something?  I should’ve been warned by the Sundance Movie Festival Logo on the DVD cover, because to me… this movie holds the standard recipe of almost all festival-released movies:

1.  Unattractive leading roles.
2.  Depressed characters.
3.  Confusing storyline just so it’s perceived as ‘deep’, ‘thoughtful’ and ‘soul searching’.
4.  Ugly ugly clothes.
5.  Unattractive settings.
6.  Gloomy soundtracks, usually folk-wannabe new songs from unknown artists.

The only thing missing in this movie is the usual ‘dark’ and ‘shaky camera’ look from the director.  Yeah it helps a lot in seeing how icky a woman looks when she’s got the money but doesn’t want to wash her hair because the husband is gay.

I hate this movie to the core because it closed my once-again-open heart to festival movies, I hate how Jennifer Aniston looked uglier than she did in “The Good Girl” and I hate the fact that I actually bared the whole flick; thinking something better might turn up the next minute.  This is a time robbery and I feel cheated because there’s nothing more annoying than seeing a “hanging” end, with the leading role and some ugly guy in bed… talking about how the guy needs a new wardrobe, because he -as ugly as he may be- turns out to be so fucking rich.  And how dare these people call the movie a comedy-drama?!

Adam Sandler and Kevin James pretending to be a gay couple, Ben Stiller and his over-the-top male model, Rob Schneider playing an ugly gigolo… THAT’S COMEDY!

My apologies to Robert Redford and people at the Sundance Film Festival for trashing this movie the way I did, but really…

… this movie doesn’t even deserve to be pirated.

EUGH!

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  1. thank you so much for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. It made me smile. 🙂

  2. Jess: Hello Jess! thanks for stopping by my blog too. i’ll be visiting yours more often 😀

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