miund

Another Customer Service Bashing Sessions

In Daily Annoyance on December 7, 2006 at 6:57 pm

I hate yelling at people. But lately it has become sort of a habit. Today I yelled three times to three different customer service staffs of my sattelite TV provider. The problem was: for some reasons I’ve not been able to watch the broadcast. First I thought it was because my tardiness in paying the bill. When I came down to the billing office and paid my subscription, they said I wasn’t behind in my payments and in fact, I just paid way too early. And my connection is “on” when they checked. So I went home, told my dad about the thing and he called the customer service line. They received our complaint and promised to send their tech men within 5 working days. So we waited.

And now, SEVEN fucking days later… NOBODY showed up.

I decided to repeat the call to the customer service line. Below is the transcript:

Me: “Hello, I’m calling to file a complaint”
Miss X: “May I have your customer number, please?”
Me: “It’s XXXXXXXX-XX”
Miss X: “Okay Miss Wreksono, how may I be of help?”
Me: “Here’s the thing: I haven’t been able to receive any broadcast for a full week now. And there are no tech men in sight. Can you please explain this?”
Miss X: “We have forwarded your last complaint to our tech dept. Somebody will come to your place later”
Me: “When exactly is later?”
Miss X: “If you would just kindly wait…”

That burst my bubbles.

Me: “Look missy, I have been TOO KIND and waiting for FAR TOO LONG. If you think you and your sweet voice can make me wait some more, you must be crazy!”
Miss X: “We will try to do the best we can, Miss. We…”
Me: “Don’t TRY! DO SOMETHING! How can you still TRY things when you have a full-fledged company already? You don’t TRY. You DO!”
Miss X: “I am sorry Miss, but really we are trying to…”
Me: “Oh please. Spare the ‘sorry’ part. Now hear this and hear this good: I demand somebody to come here, fix whatever goddamn problem is hanging in my satelite dish and trust me I WILL NOT PAY! Got it?”
Miss X: “Allright Miss…”
Me: “So what time do you reckon this person will be coming over?”
Miss X: “I can’t guarantee that he will come today… but…”
Me: “WHAT?? That is RIDICULOUS! No, I won’t take this. I want somebody to fix my dish NOW. You hear me? NOW!!”
Miss X: “We will see what we can do, Miss”
Me: “WILL SEE?? You don’t ‘will see’, you SEND somebody over. See? You DO instead of ‘WILL SEE’!”
Miss X: “We will try…”
Me: “What is the matter with you people? First you’ll see, now you’ll try… what is next? You’ll sit back and pretend nothing happened? I WANT THIS CRAPPY DISH FIXED NOW!! How can it be so freaking hard to understand??”

And I slammed the phone. Well, no, I just clicked the ‘off’ button while cursing myself for not having an old-fashioned phone because the effect would be more dramatic.

So I went to work as usual, sit through a long meeting and when I got back to the office I called the house to see if any of those non-existent tech-men appeared. And I got ‘not yet’ for an answer. Here we go, round two with the customer hotline.

Me: “Yes, I am customer number XXXXXX-X and I am angry”
Miss Y: “What is the problem, Ma’am?”
Me: “YOU are the problem. Check my complaint datas, you’ll get why I am furious.”
Miss Y: “Hold on please. Hmmm… yes I can see that you have a problem with your sattelite dish.”
Me: “And do you see ANY tech men driving to my address right this minute?”
Miss Y: “I am sorry but… not yet Ma’am. But if you can wait…”
Me: “NO I CANNOT WAIT! Why do you people make me wait all the time? I have waited since last Thursday. And you people promised me that somebody will fix my dish within five days. Now, how many days do you think I’ve waited?”
Miss Y: “Sev… over five days, Ma’am”
Me: “That’s correct, and how many days after the five days?”
Miss Y: “Two Ma’am”
Me: “And five plus two is…?”
Miss Y: “Seven, Ma’am”
Me: “OH LOOK WHO IS A MATH WHIZ! FIVE PLUS FREAKING TWO IS INDEED A SEVEN! OH MY GOD! WHAT A SMART CUSTOMER SERVICE STAFF! Let’s see if you’re REALLY smart now. Next quiz: how many HOURS will I have to wait for your fabulous tech guy to come over? Come on, it’s a no brainer…”
Miss Y: “We have submitted your complaint to our tech dept. and if you wait…”
Me: “WRONG ANSWER! You see, if I ask ‘HOW MANY HOURS’, you answer with a figure. A number. Come on. Try me again. How many hours do I have to wait?”
Miss Y: “We are still working on…”
Me: “Wrong again! You did so good on the five plus seven problem. Now try solving this. AND I MEAN NOW!”

Silence.

Me: “If you hang up on me, I swear I’ll report you. What’s your name again?”
Miss Y: “My name is XXXX, Ma’am, and I am not hanging up on you”
Me: “Okay then, so you are incapable of solving the easiest problem there is in weirdo math. Now listen to me and listen to me good: I want my dish fixed NOW. TODAY. I will wait, as you requested, for as late as it will be… as long as your tech guys come over TODAY. I don’t freaking care if it’s midnight, I will wait. You understand me?”
Miss Y: “We will try our best, Ma’am”
Me: “TRY?? TRY??? IS THAT WHAT YOU PEOPLE ARE TRAINED AND PAID TO DO???”
Miss Y: “Or maybe…”
Me: “Ah. A solution. Continue please, as I don’t have all day”
Miss Y: “We can give you the number of our technician so you can contact him yourself”
Me: “And WHAT exactly do YOU do if I have to call him up myself? Isn’t that YOUR JOB?”
Miss Y: “Well I was just…”
Me: “Oh cut the crap. Gimme the number. You guys haven’t been helping me at all”

She gave me some cell phone number and I hung up right after I jot them down. I tried to call Mr. Mysterious Technician to no avail as a woman’s pre-recorded voice said soothingly: “The number you dialled is wrong. Please try again”. I tried it for about three times, and gave up, and finally called the customer hotline back. This time, a guy answered.

Mr. Q: “How can we help you?”
Me: “Oh CAN you? Put me back on the line with miss XXXX because I complained to her and she gave me a number that does NOT exist”
Mr. Q: “I believe she is on the line, Miss. Can I assist you?”
Me: “You damn well should.”

I told him my problem and here’s how he responded.

Mr.Q: “Well we will try to send somebody over tonight, Miss.”
Me: “And what time are we talking about? Ballpark.”
Mr. Q: “I can’t say. I am truly sorry for the inconvenience”
Me: “YOU ARE SORRY? INCONVENIENT? YES IT IS INCONVENIENT! You… what is your name?”
Mr. Q: “My name is XXXXX miss”
Me: “Okay Mr. XXXXX, listen to me: I will publicly write about this and my letter will be appearing in tomorrow’s newspaper and your name and miss XXXX and miss XXXX… all three of you who ‘assisted’ me today IF my dish doesn’t get fixed by tonight. Do you understand?”
Mr. Q: “I understand, Miss”
Me: “Oh shut up. You don’t understand. You are NOT me. Now get back to work and send somebody here to fix my goddamn sattelite dish! MOVE IT!”

And I clicked the ‘off’ button on my phone.

It is six fifty five in the evening now, and I am still waiting for the tech guys to come over and fix the dish. From the looks of it, I better start writing my polite complaint letter to be send by e-mail to the newspaper. I feel bad for this as a lot of my good friends are now working for the so-called provider, but it’s nothing personal.

It’s purely professional.

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